Day 160.

U told me to go back to my normal life so i wont so xin ku.
U told me to go find my friends.
U told me to open my hands.
U told me we should not meet so much first.
U told me we should not contact at de moment.
U told me u hope i still will treat u as friend.
U told me u got soso much things to tell me but no use telling already.
And, u told me to find a boyfriend.
i find it so joke when u call me go find a boyfriend.

everything use say, i also can.
its like how i did that to u last time.
i still remember i cried and shout to u and tell u i dun love u anymore.
hang up ur call and never contact never meet u le.
i understand how u feel le. =)

i can tell u.. Sry, i still cant do it. so hard to open my hands.
so hard to get a boyfriend. so hard..

i hate u. hate u from falling in her.
hate u for not trying even more hard to get me back.
i always believe if u really love me soso much,
u will sacrifice anything and everything for me.
Thanks someone for telling me this.
but ask urself. did u?
what i heard from u is not like this. all i heard was 'excuses'
if u still love me that much, come back to me now. and throw her aside can?

i no i should not blame her.
but i just hate her. hate her that she got u.
cause i believe my love for u is much more and deeper then her.
and she just got u like this. so unfair to me. seriously.
call her no need act one nice person ok? so fake.
no need to tell me how good she is too. cause i still hate her.
u will never no how much i hate her.

i hate myself. hate myself that i am de one who ask for a breakup.
hate myself for not caring u that day.
hate myself for trusting u so much that u wont do that to me.
hate myself for giving u so much free time with ur friends and make u fall for her.
hate myself for being too boring. too quiet and not awesome enough for u.

removed pictures from fb, removed everything that u gave me at my room
will make me forget u?
i also dunno. seems like so hard to forget even if i removed everything from my room.
cause my brain my heart have not remove yet.

no matter what i do, where i go. work, sleep, walk, eat.
once i think of u and past. my eyes will get watery.
when can all this just stop?
until now i dun understand why i ended up like this.
i still cant get an answer and no one can answer me.
i thought im de happiest, go with simple life, blurr blurr let u take care of me de girl.
now? i feel so shitty. too much bad things happen to me.
i dunno what to do. really dunno.
hell headache.
life suck.